Do not be alarmed by the soft sound of Tibetan bells. The Spa Locker Room music is here to relax you. You may or may not have been given a tour of the locker room by a woman with a top bun in a black polo shirt. Either way, you will not be able to […]
Nonfiction
Instructions: Gray Hair
The first step towards having gray hair is to stop dyeing your hair. Highlights, lowlights, permanent color, temporary washouts, henna, lemon juice, beet extract, all of it. Stop dyeing your hair. You might start telling yourself that you look washed out or sluggish. Go for a walk or buy a bright lipstick at Walgreens. These […]
To The Memory Of Lily Allen-Hughes
“Why don’t we remember everything?” I am driving up Clarendon, past the park that’s on the side of a cliff, the one with the steep wooden staircase. Clarendon Street in San Francisco is what my father used to call, “a good street to know.” It takes you to the Haight without driving down Lincoln, and […]
Instructions: Dog Diaper
When putting a diaper on a dog, it is important to first pull its tail through the hole. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the position of jamming two fingers through a tiny opening in the diaper and then grasping the tail in bemusement. After all, a dog’s tail is an extension of its spine, […]
All That Glitters
Karim will arrive in four minutes. My phone tells me he is driving a Tesla with the license plate NEWCAR. The car is quiet, black, and shiny and there are no plates. As it pulls up, the window lowers, revealing a man with a black moustache and white polo shirt. He smiles and explains how […]