The cover of the Lonely Planet Borneo book is an orangutan swinging in a tree. Yes please. Monkey vacation.
We are staying at a hotel in Sabah that is next door to an orangutan rehabilitation center. Because as we all know, apes can’t stop drinking. Thank you I’ll be here all week.
Our visit to the center began as most tours do, with an introductory video. This one featured Cinta, a baby orangutan who had been deserted by his mother and brought to the center by a local farmer. Cinta was bottle fed by volunteers. Cinta loves hugs and bananas. Cinta got to ride in a Land Rover! His story was heartwarming, as all furry baby stories tend to be.
I have a genetic predisposition to laugh in situations that call for more contemplative behavior. This is why I am incapable of joining a museum tour or participating in a ceremony at a sacred Chinese temple. And why I fear funerals and Indiegogo campaign videos. As the other tourists were oohing and ahhing over Cinta’s touching story, one heartless visitor was giggling uncontrollably.
My more earnest family members and I were thankful when the movie ended and we went to see the two resident orangutans. Our group of twenty or so hiked to a platform where we were told to be very quiet and wait patiently. The guide stepped up to a smaller platform opposite us and turned over a bucket of chopped up fruit and vegetables. After two or three minutes, he solemnly announced, “I will now call the orangutans.” I prepared myself for some hee-hee-hoo-hoo business, but as it turns out, if you want to summon an orangutan, you use their name, go figure. He called, “Intiban! Kolapis!” and then something in Malay, which I’m guessing means, “These people paid to see you eat carrots. Get over here.”
The wait began. One minute, five minutes, ten minutes. Where are they? On a binge at the beach bar? At the spa getting waxed?
It was during this waiting period that I first became aware of the Junior Rangers, four preteen girls having an invaluable experience they will never appreciate. The blond one with resort braids started whining, “Where ARE they? I’m bo-o-ored.” Her sunburned friend in the green Junior Ranger polo shirt agreed, “That’s not fair. We cut up the food. Why don’t we get to feed them?”
The guide shushed them. The Danish guy shushed them. I shushed them. But they continued moaning until an orangutan appeared in the distance, swinging high in the branches.
Clearly Intiban had shown up to smack those girls in the face but then got distracted by the smell of sugarcane coming from the platform. I half-expected to hear Elton John belting out a Disney ballad as the beautiful ape leapt from tree to tree. Kolapis showed up soon after and the two of them played and ate, just a few meters away from us. My eyeballs almost popped out of my skull just to stare back at me to make sure I was watching every minute of this.
When the gang of 20 long-tailed macaques descended, the Nature Channel got real. These monkeys clearly missed the Cinta video; they don’t give a hoot about rescuing orangutans.
Like a horde of pregnant women at IKEA, macaques are determined, fearless, and greedy for more. The tyrant of the group took his place next to the pile and screeched at the orangutans, “Party’s over my friends. Scoot.” The apes objected at first but then caved, as there were only two of them. Carrot Monkey picked six carrot chunks out of the pile and clutched them awkwardly, hopping away on one foot. A mother and child fought each other for a slice of banana. Bully Monkey continued to lash out at random. It was hilarious and delightful.
At this point, the Junior Rangers started asking the guide, “Can we go now? When can we go?” If macaques were meat-eaters, I would have thrown those girls off the platform to a round of applause from the rest of the group. I felt sorry for our poor guide as he escorted those kids back to the ranger station.
All humans can’t be expected to sit quietly and watch monkeys play. Heck, some of us can’t even get through a short video without losing it. We’re animals after all. Hairy, goofy, and beautiful.
