Living in Western Australia, I spend a lot of time thinking about sharks.
I also spend a lot of time hearing about sharks. I haven’t met anyone who’s personally run into a shark, but everyone has a friend who has a surfer friend with an escape story. Big Aussie blokes turn into tiny crayfish at the very mention of a great white. And when my “no worries” mates admit to being scared of something, I pay close attention.
Recently, one of the four Fionas I’ve met used the expression “a sharky day,” as in, “I reckon it’s a bit of a sharky day. I wouldn’t go near the ocean.” From what I understand, a sharky day is similar to earthquake weather: a little cloudy, a little quiet, dogs are pacing.
I started following Surf Life Saving WA on Twitter and now read posts like, “3.5m white shark sighted 100m offshore. Moving west.” I frequent a website that tells me to stay away from schools of fish “behaving erratically.” I have learned that I should be paying more attention to migration patterns of humpback whales, as shark bite frequency is directly correlated to whale populations.
A few days ago, I read an article in the West Australian called, “Sharks Not So Keen on Deterrent Tests.” You already know the story. But let me break it down for you.
In 2012, off the coast of Perth, great white sharks killed five people within ten months. As a result, the University of Western Australia received government funding to evaluate shark deterrents, everything from flashing lights to underwater sound machines. Equipped with candy necklaces and glow sticks, the scientists began staging their subaquatic rave.
The team soon encountered one minor problem; they couldn’t find any sharks. Apparently after their human feast, the greedy bastards were reclining on the ocean floor sipping cuppas and watching footy.
So, the researchers packed up their bubble machines and killer whale noisemakers and hopped over to South Africa where they found 60 sharks waiting patiently, ready to be tested. They discovered the following:
1. Sharks don’t give a shit about blinking lights.
2. When sharks hear artificial sounds of killer whales (their predators), their only thought is, “that’s a machine so there must be a human nearby. Yum.”
3. An electric ankle device serves as nothing more than a crunchy appetizer.
They did find something notable with The Shark Shield, coincidentally the name of my future band. The Shark Shield is a little box that emits a small three-dimensional electronic field, just like the one in that episode of Scooby-Doo. The field causes the approaching shark to experience what the researchers refer to as “mild discomfort” and swims away.
Here’s my thinking on this Shark Shield business. Shark encounters little box sitting in middle of ocean. Shark experiences “mild discomfort” and swims away, angry and sad. Shark spots human. Human loses arm.
I’ve read the stats. I am 30 times more likely to get struck by lightning in Western Australia than I am to get bitten by a shark. And I am aware of an easy way to eliminate the risk completely. But I’m a swimmer, and there’s only so much time I can spend in chlorinated pools.
