Last year, Willa invited a friend to play after school. In the car ride to our house, two third graders talked about an upcoming birthday party. Referring to the birthday girl, Willa’s friend asked, “How much do you think she weighs?” Before Willa could respond, the friend continued, “I weigh 52 pounds. I bet she weighs 58 pounds.” Simone, who was six at the time, chimed in from her booster seat, “I weigh 40 pounds.” “You’re lucky,” Willa’s friend said. “You’re skinny.”
Later that evening, I told my daughters I did not like what I had overheard. I reminded them it’s not polite to talk about how much people weigh, and, oh by the way, weight doesn’t matter because bodies are beautiful and they are all different sizes and let’s all be healthy and kind, ok now go brush your teeth.
I don’t know if I handled this well. When the Looks Monster pops up, I want to play Whack-a-Mole with a sledgehammer. Sometimes I think talking about not talking about it as bad as talking about it. It’s like books titled, “They Say I’m Weird but Weird is Normal,” the very existence of which contradicts their main point.
I imagine girls in Australia think about the same stuff that American girls do. The media machine is alive and well in Perth, and glossy magazines seem even glossier. There are articles in the newspaper about how to apply eye makeup. Parents express social media concerns and talk about how children don’t need phones as they’re buying their children phones. It’s not all that different.
What is different, however, is the apparent absence of discussion around “raising strong girls,” a common theme in the U.S. I haven’t seen “girls kick butt” t-shirts, yet everywhere you look, girls are kicking major butt. They are running, swimming, dribbling, and scoring. They are being loud and opinionated, their bodies are all banged up, and their hair’s a mess. Simone plays on a co-ed field hockey team where the only apparent difference between the genders is that some of the girls wear skirts. Helping out in Willa’s class the other day, I noticed that girls were raising their hands high and yelling out answers. And then I noticed I was noticing.
